Do they make some cleansing product for your soul? Like mouthwash that makes you not a skank? Or is that what religions for?
Eh, i think it's called sobriety. But its not fun.
sober me hid the cigs from drunk me. sober me is a tricky bitch.
talked to my RA about stamps and mailmen again. when do you think she'll realize that i only talk to her when i'm high?
Yes, you did come over last night. You also tried to give my dog a blowjob. You got rejected.
What did I eat last night that was bloody?
Still not exactly sure how i unbolted your toilet from the ground.
he convinced me that i wont have to do the walk of shame bc he has to go to jail in the morning
And then I learned that we are dating when I said it's out of line to bring fuck buddies home to meet the parents. And then I was single.
That's not a good night. A good night is waking up with no skirt, no money, and the imprint of the edge of the bar on your forehead.
I feel like, for the first time today, we had a healthy yolo.
I thought this guy walking back to the dorms with his black laundry bag was walking a black flamingo I'm not even kidding I had to take a break on a bench after that.
You're my favorite person
We had a threesome and he gave us bottle rockets and a lamp for our apartment
While we were having sex he asked me if I wanted to get wingstop after. I think I found my future husband.
Why is our fridge full of girl scout cookies and rum?
You told me to go grocery shopping.
So. Much. Porn.
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