Yeah, getting the HI-fiVe would really put a damper on my whoring around.
My bed smells like naked
Haha. At least it doesn't smell like herpes
nothing screams I HAVE A PROBLEM! like the case of miller lite sitting on top of my DUI papers in the passenger seat of my car. lol
he just texted me two pictures of his dick. i feel i should rethink whatever vibe im obviously giving out
so is it as big as he says?
he put a tube of toothpaste next to it as a reference. it looks legit
My water bill is like twice the normal amount. I need a boyfriend.
Do I even want to know?
Its official. Iv'e been kicked out of a bar in every state. I would like to take my job and travel time for allowing this to happen.
Just heard Miley Cyrus' version of "Every Rose Has Its Thorn". Fuck everything. If you don't have an std you have no right to remake this song
I guess our biggest consolation is that we haven't woken up in a hottub with a dead dude. Yet.
I can't get over how you look like his sister and he wants to fuck you.
I have a rash on my arm from the cat litter. Think the cat will be mad that I peed in its box?
It was so small.
Tiny. Got to love sexting. Imagine finding out the old fashioned way.
Tell me again why we had to Facebook stalk your therapist?
We are the rockettes of vaginal bleeding
drunk me always erases text conversations because she is a woman of mystery and does not like for me to know what's going on in her life
U were so upset when the shower ruined ur nachos. I didn't kno what to do.
Randomize
