I walked downstairs and there were 50 sorority girls. I wasn't expecting an audience during my walk of shame.
I even resorted to pole dancing with the street sign. I have an extra $20 now because I think people were paying me to leave.
We should see who can shotgun a beer faster over iPhone FaceTime
he said no sex till date three. i said the party was one, mcdonalds two and that i would take him with me to buy cigs for date three.
Woke up with my foot jammed into a VCR
Sorry my moustache came off because I was face first in a layered bucket full of jello shots.
Just got a free shot w my beer...it's not quite 11am yet...I love international travel. These people aren't judgmental.
Exact words that were just spoken as she was on her 6th, yes 6th piece of bread: "I'm only eating the soft and chewy inside of the bread-I am taking the crust home to feed my turtles"
I couldn't figure out her damn button fly jeans... IM NOT A FUCKING ENGINEER
What if we made a bunch of weed butter and then poured the butter into tiny rectangular molds and then chilled it so it was solid again and then wrapped it with the tin foil wrapping from restaurant butter and then left them at restaurants and wreaked utter havoc.
We dropped so many bottles they would only give us plastic cups. We actually drank ourselves back to preschool.
I have bite marks all over my ass. Is that an acceptable excuse for missing class?
Today, my weed came in a pokéball. I officially love my dealer.
I can only rely on you and Taco Bell
The box said 94% effective prevention of pregnancy if used correctly but God knows I’m not gonna use it right so let’s adjust that to like a 70%
Randomize
