i think i may have caused an international incident at the french embassy, just fyi
hahaha how?
its a long story involving a horse trailer and some shrubbery
So we fuck and I say, "I'm about to go." He tells me, "No, leave at ten.. just lay here for a little while." When I ask, "Why?!" He gets his feelings hurt and says, "ugh. or don't." Since when did guys start acting like girls?
The only thing he got me during our relationship was a cum stain in my backseat. I choose winners.
There are babies in the room i shouldnt be high with babies in the room.
And your hair- I'd make sure to pee on it first.
i just wasnt prepared to have the baby of one of two french firemen. threesomes are too confusing.
I'm mentally preparing my vagina for this semester. It's fucking welcome week. I'm going to be talking to her all night.
you two really need to work out your issues. my vagina can't handle another week of your pent up frustrations.
For the amount of money I just spent on my dogs toe, I could have fucked the entire B squad at a low end strip club.
You can wear my underwear. It'll be like old times.
I think "we've never met sober" is a great relationship to have with someone
I woke up to an email from expedia confirming my flight to hong kong
I was high as fuck laying down in the back seat while she gave him head. Most awkward chill moment of my life.
I think he is using me to sort through his relationship issues, past and present. I did not sign up for this. All I want is booty. Am I the dude in this relationship?
Normally getting fucked up with the owner and suggesting he motorboat me wouldn’t help my chances of a promotion, but this is 2020 and he definitely enjoyed it
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