we have to go try and show our tits so we can get ID-free drinks at applebees
Is it sanitary to roast marshmallows over a cigarette lighter?
He was a bulldog and my face was like rare meat. Never again with the drunken ones.
Bad news. I baked you a cake and one of my fingernails is missing.
Bunch of Navy warships just sailed into New York Harbor for Fleet Week. Nobodys getting laid this weekend.
I just walked in on my lesbian roommate having sex in the kitchen, and it was awesome. We proceeded to shots naked together. Happy birthday to me.
Um, you were throwing up the shocker symbol in front of all of the wedding guests during the best man's speech. No wonder the groom thinks we're bad
When have we listened to the rational side of either of us?!
You slid down a wall, tried to pull your cast off and yelled that casts were too conformist.
I didn't want to see any of his nipples and now I've seen all three. Thanks.
In fairness you've introduced me to a lot of people I've only met once, for like 5 seconds, while drunk
I think he thought I was too drunk to handle his parrot
His idea of a night out is drinking beer in the driveway. He's been on house arrest too long
Talk all the shit you want but I slept in a oversized monster truck tire last night.
This past week everybody of fb either got rings or semen. All I got was Covid.
Randomize
