So she started giving everyone lap dances, and i was like "i think i like this chick"
Espresso. Can't sleep. Love puppies
dude, when you're random girl from last night came down the stairs this morning she fell all the way down. I laughed. She just walked out. I hope shes ok. Tell her I give her a 10 for that landing though.
I still have his teeth marks on the base of my penis. You didnt miss much
Charles Darwin would shit his pants if he saw that we managed to survive that weekend.
Day 1 of "Death of a Liver" weekend complete. It came with flashbacks of horrible mistakes I made due to alcohol. I'm excited for how Sunday is going to turn out.
we're decorating our christmas cookies with birth control. so pretty.
well they never fully had sex so she's like an eskimo step-sister. I'll make a family tree for you.
Riding the train home at 6 am for class still drunk is losing its novelty in my junior year
Did you drink ALL that 151??
No. We drank all the jaeger... Then used the 151 to start the fire. We're also out of paper towels... And your hairspray is flammable.
is there a line between daddy kink and oedipus complex?
Dude you're fine. You're 5 minutes away from your house and you're eating fig newtons
My bail money is reserved for people I either A, think were in the right, or B, have an awesome story that leads up to needing it. Just remember that before you call me.
Thank fucking Christ I was not wearing pants or eating chocolate cake last night.
I was trying to decide if i was still high whenever i realized i was pressing the buttons on the microwave cause i liked the sound.
Randomize
