his prince albert piercing just severely cut the roof of my mouth. can you pick me up at the hospital if he drops me off?
i can smell the iron from margo's period blood from across the table.
Said he had been eating pineapple for a week before our 1st date. Not sure if thankful for his consideration or offended by his assumption.
Just saw a porn entitled "Nad Biter". Redheads are now forever out of the picture.
just cheers'ed a flock of cattle as i drove past eating a burger i bought 7 hours ago. that high.
I found him. We're on the way back to the condo. He was sitting in the lifeguard stand letting people passing by take pictures of his nipples for a buck each..he made 15 dollars
I take back all of the insults I've ever said toward those money makers
Duuuude - Drag Queen Bingo wasn't supposed to end like thissss
Hey I came back and we made joints with the breathalyzers the cops left last night.
did you know the cops in wilco have clean up kits in their cars for when people puke in them? i found this out this morning. i'm finishing paperwork now. come get me plz?
I'm really hot. went tanning and this cheeseburger shirt like isn't breathable
Hey nothing wrong with those! I can't believe the guys who let me see where they live on first dates. Even more surprising, I don't stalk them after they've done me wrong.
There's times when I need to be plowed... and I'm ashamed to admit auto correct was able to predict that entire sentence.
this is the last time i am going to a 7am booty call
Wearing Navy dress whites to a wedding is like having a magical panty removing device. I've never cockblocked a whole room just by existing before.
It's dangerous to be this horny at work. I'm gonna stain my desk chair
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