I just found 51 cents in my bed. Did you leave me a tip?
you were making out, puked over his shoulder and insisted everything was okay
please don't text me until you can spell three letter words again.
If I don't come back from Italy with aids I did somethign wrong
No more drinking with Em. She was on the ground so much she looked like she belongs in a lifealert commercial
I only think it appropriate to apologize for making out with your next boyfriend. It won't happen again.
Apparently I tried my hand at mustard juggling. I wasn't very good.
is it weird that our first time having sex was makeup sex?
Ok well i was gonna say you can only borrow my fog machine if you will use it to emerge from your room in a cloud of smoke after having sex with sarah, so yeah we're good
He said I could stop sending ass pics now and just say hello. I'm not sure if that means he's no longer interested, or that he's a gentleman??
I am stoned, not wearing a bra, and a woman. There is no way in fuck I am getting on a fucking bus.
It isn't easy. I met him at the gym. He wanted to go out he doesn't drive so I drove and he wanted Dairy Queen where his sister is the manager. This is dating in my 20's
I tried to take a cute nude but sneezed halfway through. I sent it anyway
I'm going to come in the middle of the night and attack you with spoons
I definitely almost just pulled a condom out of my purse instead of money for my dad.
Randomize
