fuck you guys, stop putting fake babies in my car the cops came again.
i wish i could tell you the night didnt begin with me drinking alone
I know we had a good night last night because his turtle was half asleep chewing on the used condom.
Im debating on how to word my craigslist post so i dont get arrested...
All I remember from last night is petting the broom with my feet and feeling like I was standing on a horses head
Everyone is sleeping and i'm sittin here in my iron man mask, watchin chelsea lately and tryin to figure out how to smoke through it.
I have a scary feeling my mom might switch her goals from finding me a husband in 2012 to sending me to rehab
I flashed a party boat full of Asians yesterday, didn't I?
A drunk hobo just gave me a fist bump. Because I know what a womb is.
Someone I just met told me they were going to name their kid after me. Daylight savings is weird.
I needed tweezers to get my thong out of my ass this morning.
Update: day 5 and Scott has not left the apartment. Still smoking. Pizza roll supply dwindling.
I've got to stop fucking tourists. If Chicagos piazza is anything like their dicks. I'm moving.
I'm not a morning person, and, trust me, no matter how good your cock may be, it will not turn me into one.
i have a lot of questions about the picture quality/lighting/motion/gravity of the balls...
Randomize
