We videoed ourselves having sex... I now know why I close my eyes during sex
No dude, you can't hot box a bus shelter.
Put you drinking hat aside for Tuesday. My buddy is bartending!
I just puked in my drinking hat.
If I EVER think it's a good idea to blow someone who just showed me their synchronized swimming performance on youtube again please correct me immediately.
Did I mention I should never take 5 Xanax and drink?
I sort of figured that out when I found you sitting on the roof of your house saying we could get in through the skylight while I called the locksmith.
Dude found out there's an open bar at the celebration of life thing for my grandma which is at noon. Now I know why I can drink so much
Everyone else in class agrees the weed smell is coming from me
My car windows are covered in lube. Happy 4th of July!
I can assure you I didn't go home with a girl, because I woke up on someone's porch
Aint no party like a Broke College Girls Eating Stuffed Crust Pizza party
I just need a fucking pair of pants. Is that too much to ask for?
I sent him home with blood on his fingers and shame in his heart.
It's OK, I woke up in a drag queen's bed last weekend. It took me forever to get the glitter out of my cleavage.
Man, I'm never going tanning again he noticed the burns on my ass
Drinking at 10 in the morning and swimming might not be the best idea I've ever had but it beats working
Randomize
