I peed while puking? Even better
Yes you most deff did. Ultimate multi tasker you are
she was like a sexier Rosie O'Donnel
James and whatshisface bought me drunks. I am drinks.
I literally might walk of shame home on a cable car. If that doesn't scream San Francisco I don't know what does
There is a visibable outline from you in the grass. its you in the fetal position...
My mom ate salad out of the vodka bowl
I hate that you live in a gated community. I feel your guard judges me every time I go to your house at 3 am an leave at 5am
It's time for everyone's favorite Wednesday night game... WHEEL OF. VODKA!!!!!
Last time Jon threw a party I woke up on my porch, no shirt but 4 bras on, and "make better life choices" written on my stomach in sharpie
All's fair in love and war. and tinder.
Some nice lady just gave me a beer out of her purse. I love youth hockey
I tried to prevent a bar fight. By convincing a guy whacked out on Molly to slap the ass of everyone who was arguing and shout "WOO" each time. I'm proud, surprised, and intrigued that it calmed everyone down so quickly...
I'm to the point of desperation where I stare at customers penis imprints through their pants all day
If I die write a nice eulogy and bury me with my star wars bobbleheads
Dude it's 6 am and you just invited me to a hotel with a shit ton of coke. Best morning ever
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