We played Rock, Paper, Scissors last night to see who was the least drunk to drive.
The Rock won.
tell your sister to shave her snatch
You smell like stripper and shame
He just asked me if his big had a curved penis. Awkward? I think so.
May or may not have just drunkenly opened my christmas presents. Greatly disappointed. Might break up sooner.
Correct me if I'm wrong here... but did we serenade each others breasts to "winds of change" last night?
the caf people were giving us weird looks and she yelled ITS A LIFE STYLE
She is trying to turtle bite me and when I pull away she says just let it happen. Then she pulled a poptart out of nowhere
Just had my ass outlined on a bar top with permanent marker and then they carved the imprint into the wood with a knife. I'm famous in the country!
They can be so fun, drunk bruises are like clues to the treasure of what actually happened last night. "why do I have a bruise on my belly button? oh right. i was trying to turn my stomach off so I would stop throwing up."
I'm glad I booty called you last night. It was nice to see you and talk, in between all the sex...
I just coughed and my vagina hurt. We need to hook up more.
Do you hit a new low in life when you have to carry around a puke bag in your purse when you're hungover?
Is it wrong that I get drunk and let him eat me out then fall asleep? He offers me so much and yet I do nothing. I feel like a republican.
Thanks for making me a drunk burrito last night and cutting it into bite size pieces, I always knew you were a keeper.
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