I CAN MOONWALK!
I had a dream last night that Anthony Bourdain gave me a vibrator.
Spotted: forty year old in red dress, cigarette in hand, squatting to pee by railroad tracks. Hello future.
Freshman orientation day on campus. Dear diary, JACKPOT.
im dressed up like a present. waiting for someone to unwrap me ;)
this is your brother
just watched her puke in her purse and put it back on the bar. then half hour later put her hand in her bag to get a pen to give me her number. I bet she is game for anything
I wasn't trying to make you feel bad, I just agreed with you that your life does suck.
By getting ready I mean putting baby powder in my hair and possibly changing my pajamas to another pair of pajamas
I still have his teeth marks on the base of my penis. You didnt miss much
I'd rather take 10 virginities than catch something. Right now I should be good, I mean the sex with Jake was so bad he can't possibly have an std
I'm not even pretending to study anymore. I'm straight up sleeping in the library
Got paid 100 bucks to babysit a kid for five hours while hungover. I slept the whole time and threw up twice. Yes 100 bucks.
as much as I don't like snorting drugs, I would totally be fine with someone doing a line off my ass. that's just a whole new up
I feel a blackout coming on
Plz don't have me burst into your house saying you're late for re airport to rescue you from a fat girl again
That was 2 times
you need to drop off my dinner before you go see him because i'm not gonna wait until you're finished fucking him to get my damn chinese food
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