Tell LD happy birthday and party like it's $19.99
Recession joke.
Partly cloudy chance of praying to the porcelin gods
Whatever my ex gf's roomates talked shit about me so I jizzed in their shampoo bottle one night
you puked out of a dead sleep and didnt wake up
CANT TOUCH THIS JUST CAME ON MY IPOD. LOVE STEVE JOBS
Any little, cute, petite blondes with you?
Nah, I got some slutty brunettes though.
I stayed at the bar and helped clean up cause I was told I'd get free shots. Didn't happen.
the last thing i remember saying is "hope you like body hair"
I hate when people see you passed out in your front yard and call 911. Like what, you can't take a nap face down on your steps at 4pm?
Thoughts of banging the girl who just opened my beer with her teeth?
I'm trying to ve beat feiesnd sent.
Just busted the chick who slept with my boyfriend with alcohol. God I love being an RA.
I kinda got drunk and threw my debit card into a bonfire so I don't have any money at the moment lol.
Not even official and he's cleaned my puke twice. His hotdog skills are an added bonus. I've got a keeper
Also my face is like def lowkey made of silly putty
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