How young is too young to ask my kid to make me a drink?
He kept waking up periodically throughtout the night to bit my ear and pass back out.
The only way i can get arrested is public drunkenness or defacing a national monument. Trust me, i have already looked it up.
I maybe late, he's in a peeing contest with the neighbor's dog. Currently he's in the lead.
Just gave a gay guy pointers on how to make anal not hurt. Reevaluation of life choices: in progress.
Apparently I'm not allowed to call at 3am anymore and ask to speak to all his siblings. I was just trying to get to know the family
Someone just knocked jenga into a plate of cake. I'm licking off each piece one by one.
I wanted to make out with that blonde just so I could deck her boyfriend and make things interesting.
At least that would be something.
Do you remember lying across two tables saying 'go away I'm trying to pull' to me, Sollie and Sean?
This feels more like a conference of all the people I've fucked in the past year.
Can't believe we're making vacation plans with the guy we had a threesome with
Ok, stop saying "youths." You're 23.
Maybe if you would fuck your boss you would get string cheese too
My mom said "I saw the signs you guys were high, so I made the spaghetti"....so ya, I'd say she definitely knew
St. Patty's shenanigans tmrw? I wanna meet dudes lol. Why stop at coronavirus when you can get the clap, too?
Randomize
