It smells like weed.
We are in Boulder, Everything smells like weed.
God dammit, you have a cape and I don't even have a fucking jacket.
i came home at 4 a.m. and made a dozen eggs and three lbs. of bacon. my mom woke up and the only thing she was pissed about was that i used the whole carton of eggs, but then she sat down and ate with me
Just please never masturbate in my bed again. I'm burning my sheets as I write this.
Not only is it unacceptable to be bar hopping alone at 5 o'clock. It is definitely unacceptable to do so with a lobster
I think that girl got really offended when I made out with baby Jesus.
I'm getting kicked out of the place we're at. They don't like ketchup on their walls..
She keeps feeding me drugs. Its like I'm her baby bird or something
Also.. The Hobbit does not look like a cartoon. We were just too fucking high.
You said you were uncomfortable with your body and then you started making whale noises
PENIS EMOJIS WOULD MAKE MY LIFE SO MUCH EASIER GAH WHY DOES THE WORLD HATE ME
Apparently I was telling them, "I AM A STRONG INDEPENDENT WOMAN AND I DON'T NEED YOU TO HOLD MY HAIR," and I pulled my hair back and puked.
Kids music just accidentally came on at this party. I didn't know how many stoners were here until they all sang along.
you stood in front of the mirror for 20 minutes and finally said, "he can hear everything i'm saying inside my head. we need to leave." now try and tell me there is no such thing as too high.
Good news!! I can adult!! 😂 turning down the strip club on a weeknight has become my crowning achievement ðŸ˜ðŸ˜‚
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