Latest life lesson : don't accidentally send an "I nutted on her tramp stamp" text to your tattoo-less girlfriend. Oops.
thanks for being my moral compass. and thanks for not always pointing north so i can be slutty and not feel bad about it.
Tid bit for you to add to your "what to expecting when you're expecting to lose your virginity" book... Sex on nyquil is cheaper and BETTER than sex on esctacy AND you sleep like a champ after so you're not able to think about any bad decisions made.
Also, any YOLOwl-related sex photos will result in you winning ten orgasms, courtesy of myself, as well as sweets and bacon-based dinner. All entrants welcome
This body was not built to go to the gym. It was built to chain smoke cigarettes and shoot whiskey
She apologized again the next day. I said it was pee under the bridge
I like to feed my guinea pigs before I get stoned. In case they get contact high and get the munchies. It's only polite.
I broke a glass at the bar and ended up with blood on my forehead. I apparently kept screaming BLOOD like the little boy in that YouTube video.
Want to go swimsuit shopping? First one who cries buys ice cream.
I just put on my phone calendar to remind me of my final child support payment in 2029
Dude we gotta go back to your cabin. left glenn. he's calling me crying and still drunk
the second she challenged me to mario kart drinking game i knew i was in love
I still can't believe I was army crawling thru his backyard at 2am..
As in, legitimately worried. You just sent me a 6 message long text that did not contain any complete words.
the weird part wasn't waking up in someone else's underwear, it was how the cat was staring at me like he knew more about last night then i remembered.
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