You can't motorboat a personality
After you took the handle off the bathroom door I had to coach the Scottish guy sitting on the toilet, throwing up in his own lap, how to put his pants back on. Yes, I think he won the drinking game.
In hindsight, trust falling your grandma was a bad idea. Sorry about that.
She's the barista slut.
I've started bribing my dorm's security guard with cookies so that he doesn't tell all the boys i'm hooking up with about each other.
I picked the lock on the bathroom door and sang him a song while he pooped. Why is he mad?
dude i should have never cleaned my ears out while high. theres no going back.
okay have fun. but Under NO circumstances ever attempt to outdrink the german exchange student. no matter how badly you want to blow him. just don't.
Bro if you were a bird I would puke in your mouth right now
drunk in woodshop so don't even say "I SAWWW THIS COMING." I know you're thinking it.
Btw when I was saying "fuck you" I meant it like "be quiet beautiful princess"
It's Reggie from Taco Bell, send me a pic.
Come to this bar
But I'm full of food.
MAKE ME FULL OF YOUR DICK
Its weird to introduce me to his wife and kids on the first date, right?
I realize that my conversation topics seem to only be about bees and my cross dressing fiance. Thank you for being my friend.
Randomize
