just ask for directions from a guy with a penis drawn on his window
I was surprised he admitted he couldnt keep up. We both knew but usually they dont come out and say it
Her little brother walked in right as I was finishing and was like "uhhh hey there's a lunar eclipse outside"
Should we discuss the rug burns on my back or just save that for a separate conversation
... I went down on him at the movies. I feel like Alanis Morisette.
She called my landing strip a "vagina mohawk"....
Lesbians are weird.
just peed on my shirt somehow, im calling it a day
I hooked up with a guy that had a beard last night felt like I was building a fucken log cabin
I mixed Jack with hot chocolate. This may be the best or worst idea ever. I have yet to find that out
I have his gate key so know he has to see me again.
I did this clutch move yesterday at the bar where I grabbed a plastic cup for water and discreetly threw up in it while walking around and then tossed it. It was my best boot and rally ever
I thought I'd never say this, but if I had to choose between these cookies and sex, it would be these cookies
His dog ate the vibrator. The WHOLE vibrator. We spend the morning after trying to make it vomit up the battery. Why does this always happen to me?
Why is there a waffle in the knife drawer?
The real question is why are there knives in the waffle drawer.
is it bad that I'm more worried about having to take out my piercings than the fact that I might be having a kid
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