I just woke up in bed next to my teacher. Does that mean I'm passing now?
I just read the lonely terrorist on nwa had 40 more friends than me on facebook
Just saw my father's penis. Don't know what to say.
Also txt me when you take your first dump of the year... I'd like to synchronize if that's at all possible.
Dude if it is ever said "everybody get inside the police helicopter just showed up.". That means it was a successful party.
She was eating leaves off of trees and saying it was salad, and even told a guy in passing that her favorite color was plaid.
If you find my purse on your yacht please call me - girl you slept with after yacht party
Crying on the toilet and taking a shit. This is what being an adult is about
The only time we had a decent conversation was when he was on acid, and, like, that's not a great start to a relationship.
I'm trying to get weird tonight. Like I want to see bitches crawling on all fours drinking milk from bowls and shit by 5 am. You down?
I nicknamed her "Jackhammer" for the way she gave me a handjob. My balls were in constant pain
Please don't fuck the professor. We both know that won't end well.
The day I let him eat me out will be the day that Donald trump is an honest, kind, non-bigoted member of society
I never thought I'd end up with a prison pen pal through tinder
Just found a pair of vomit-soaked socks in my purse, three days after the party... Now I know why my wallet was wet.
Randomize
