YOu come back ASAP and we will do whatever you want baby
Multitasking record: pooping whilst putting on shoes and cleaning ear with q-tip. All while texting.
Update: fell off toilet, one shoe on, q-tip still in ear. Not a pro.
Either he has two lazy eyes or he really likes my tits..
Can you tell me why I have pubes stuck in my teeth?
so are you any less fat since you started doing blow?
he sent me a picture of his dick with a heart border around it
You kept making that girl eat peanuts, saying they were good for her baby..... I don't think she pregnant
Woke up today to the sound of church bells. My first thought was shit the apocalypse, but then I remembered my hook up lives next to a church. This might be a rough day.
If there was a saddle on his sack, she would ride it.
Just heard a girl ask "Wait you're not my boyfriend?!" to a guy wearing the Mickey to her Minnie Mouse on my way home. Made me feel better about myself.
You will drink beer in a kiddie pool in your back yard but you wont bring a girl home
I have commenced my lesbian college experimentation. Wish me luck
my extended weekend of being as irresponsible as possible started with blowing the bartender in the bar bathroom. off to a good start.
Her handjob consisted of slapping me in the balls. I am never hooking up with her ever again ever.
The sad moment you remember you have no power for a week and can't flush.....
Wrong number bro but that sounds like a damn shame.
Randomize
