My history with restaurant waiters is severely limiting our dinner options.
how did you get vomit on both your shoulders. I mean think about it.
after he came i started crying. just to fuck with his head.
You cleaned out the gashes in your leg from hopping that fence with that whipped cream vodka, didnt you?
Absolute soulmates or functional alcoholics?
Can't be the first without the last
My feelings are currently in a sea of vodka and "I don't give a shit"
Aren't they always?
She finally pulled over after almost hitting 4 cars and a semi and asked me if i was rwady i told her to let my penis to come back out
So you told me to remind you that you vomited 3 times in the street because you would forget so here is your reminder
"This is Emily. She likes potatoes. And sometimes laughs and cries at the same time, and has a wonderful butt"
I was alternating between saying "yall need Jesus" and "God bless" the entire night
Do normal couples celebrate occasions naked with Chicken McNuggets and BBQ sauce?
I mean, I already hooked up with her boyfriend. The least I can do is accept her facebook friend request.
Whenever someone said no you would yell "Die Motherfucker." Kind of like some twisted drinking game.
At one point she put on my dads pants and yelled after him EMILIOOOO! Dude, my dads name is Mark.
BRIAN AND ANTHONY SPOON FED MY BROTHER MACARONI AND CHEESE WHILE HE WAS FUCKING ZARA. THEY WENT TO HIGHFIVE HIM AND ZARA WAS LIKE "WOO!" AND HIGHFIVED THEM FIRST
Randomize
