And secondly i just said i'd pay ten dollars to have sex with you
we put the last xanax in the middle and played hungry hungry hippos to see whod get it
fair is fair
we banged on the home plate. i wasnt even aware of the significance of where we were until afterwards hahaha
Yeah well I used to see how many bud lights I could slam down during the pledge of allegiance, my record was 4, but I could do better now.
I succsesfully kept my nipples in my dress all night. Even when I got in a fight. I was made for the bar.
He told me I was 100% better then porn then passed out nto the cake
This is what we do on Thursday nights. Spray tans, blunts and drawing pictures of cats.
You climbed on top of the bar, shotgunned a 25oz fosters and screamed, Steve Irwin was a God amongst men.
I'm drinking your booze since you ate my pop-tarts. I'm telling you this because I still don't think it's a fair trade.
You're 34. You can't make guys wait till the third date anymore. Step it up!
And tan into my neighbor in the elevator. She was going to the gym. I was covered in mascara and dog hair eating a hash brown
My body is telling me there was tequila. My pictures say it was Jeff's fault
We're friends with benifits... The benifits being I'm fucking her boyfriend
How is there a hawk inside this house? More importantly how the hell is he handling it without any gear?
The blonde cop looked at my license and told me I better have be home when her shift ends
I hate you
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