dude...i just woke up in ****'s bed!
doesn't he have a girlfriend???
yeah...who do you think woke us up...
So we fuck and I say, "I'm about to go." He tells me, "No, leave at ten.. just lay here for a little while." When I ask, "Why?!" He gets his feelings hurt and says, "ugh. or don't." Since when did guys start acting like girls?
Yet again my drunken self has managed to find his way into the middle of nowhere with no shoes or recollection of what happened last night.
Then I guess you don't remember me driving you there after you tried making out with my girlfriend, dipshit.
I hate the hobo that sits outside our building
Joe or Chris?
do i even wanna kno y u kno their names?
well i came home drunk one night and Chris offered me a beer as i was coming in, it was kinda weird but i wasn't goin to deny a free beer. you're proolly talkin about Joe though, he's the one with the fucked up eye.
Even when three police cars surrounded us you kept telling us not to worry because 'only good things can happen'.
It's shit like that that makes me wish being deaf was contagious
I think I'm finally maturing. I'm happy he found someone. Good for him. I sincerely hope she doesn't choke on his tiny penis.
Well it's official... The first guy I ever gave head to now holds 2 world records. Should I text him asking if I can try and break my record?
Mother fucker, I knew it was bad when you tried making out with my car window
I think I just cured my dogs munchies
I think as a general rule I have to have blacked out somewhere at least twice to be comfortable.
I'm also sorry that I ate your chicken sandwich while you were throwing up....
You turn 21 at midnight!
This is better than being born!!
Can someone please remind me later tonight that there's a taco in my purse. I may get drunk and forget I put it there
Sorry you saw me having sex with your brother on the beach
Randomize
