Ana's brother is visiting for the wknd. He came back to our place last night drunk to find me passed out naked it in the shower with the water still running. I was still drunk. We decided it was a good idea to have sex and sleep on the bathroom floor. Woke up this morning spooning and using my towel as a pillow.
Two girls are now jumping in the ocean naked at 10 PM...and I was just starting to hate Ocean City
Want updates from david's night out drinking? If so text back DAVID to this number. Std rates apply.
it was really awkward. it took him like like 2 minutes to realize who he was jacking off to. he stopped mid-stroke. such a small small world
i told you not to try chat roulette
All I remember was yelling at him, "Its becasue of people like you that it took us so long to get to the moon!"
I love how I just got my coachella ticket and ecstasy in a package deal.
every time i recognize a doctor or patient at the hospital on this rotation, i just pray it's not from my blackout saturday makeout slut moments...professionalism shouldn't count on weekends
Think I just saw your homeless guy on High Street. Did you give him back his crutch?
ex-cheerleader. ex-gymnast. ex-dancer. i dont even know who to go for tonight
My neighbour is taking her hamster for a walk on a leash. Come over now
The most humiliating part was that I farted while he was tasing me.
It's pizza for people who hate themselves. I rang the place up once i'd finished and told them if i was on death row it would be my last meal because by the time i'd got half way through it I would be begging to die.
But then I ordered two more because it was 2-4-1 and my life is a mess
I shaved an Xmas tree into my junk.... I placed your present underneath.
You wear a dinosaur suit one time and everyone thinks you're a furry. Fucking hell, man.
Access to a Target is paramount to my general happiness and self-worth.
Randomize
