Do you reaalllllly want to put "porn editor" on your resume?
no, i will not be your spotter when you masturbate with a noose around your neck
i feel like someone uncorked me like a wine bottle and pulled a living animal outta my arse.
Since when does wearing a condom and going down on me make someone a gentlemen?
she was carrying the quesadilla around the bar like a security blanket
I found a wheel chair. there is now a high chance im going to be fired from this job
This is a whole other level of drinking. Like the I used to eat paste with these people kinda drinking.
Wash that dress asap. You laid down on the kitchen floor and tried to sweep the floor with your body.
GOOD NIGHT DREAM OF ALCOHOL SNO CONES
Woah there. I lasted a semester and a fourth of college not having sex. trust me when i say keeping my virginity was an obstacle course of olympic proportions.
The virgin olympics. I would win the gold. For America.
I think I've just evolved into some kind of vodka fueled monster
I'm drinking straight vodka and railing lines of adderall while writing a paper about the nature of Jesus. It's 6:50 in the morning. College.
Remember that time you bought snap bracelets on Amazon and they sent you 300 pregnancy tests instead? Amazon knows.
We are gonna have a bake sale and the preceded will go towards the abortion
Puke-y regrets or just things-seem-far-away regrets?
Randomize
