ok shes still asleep, should i pee on her and say she did it herself? and by the time you respond to this ill probably have already made the decision
my hangover today makes thursday's feel like a bubble bath.
Using Dr. Seuss quotes to ask me how badly I want your penis is not appropriate.
It's shit like that that makes me wish being deaf was contagious
Just been one of those weeks where alcohol out weighs friendship
somebody put my brain in a crown royal bag and beat the shit out of it
Some random walked into our tent, woke her up and said "Harry Potter must not go back to Hogwarts!"
i think she just faxed a picture of her vag from the office copy machine... i mean what kind of sexting is that... wait is that even legal???
Good because ass is like 60% of my diet now
Do I lose at life if I cry in a grocery store while buying a pregnancy test?
Called my house today and my 10 year old brother answered and asked if I was still in jail
I also just stashed a half dozen bobby pins in my bra.... So when you take it off later, consider yourself warned
She gave me a roadie as we drove home from fireworks. People were still lighting off their displays as we drove by. I love America.
When did we go from stumbling drunk into an ER at 3am to dinner double dating?
I knew she was the one when we had sex to the halo soundtrack.
Randomize
