Don't fret. That vag would have consumed a lesser man.
you kept saying 'its nothing a six pack wont fix' as they loaded you into the ambulance.
I got to the apartment, I was handed a beer within 20 seconds, I'm glowing in the dark, there's fog everywhere, and now I'm wearing a sombrero because apparently it's silly hat night. I never want to leave.
the realtor just took us to a house I had a one night stand in. I feel like it's a sign.
There are pre-booty call contracts for a reason. I have no intention of calling you tomorrow.
Do you need my fax number or something?
I think I should advise against you hooking up with a guy that throws "the shocker" up in all of his pictures on facebook. Just sayin.
sorry
why?
oh you didn't look in the living room yet, did you?
"So you think you can dance" turned into "so you think you can run and slide across the bar"...Jack Daniels wins
And now I have fucked a local celebrity so double free drinks at bars.
I'm attracted to him because he looks like the kind of guy who would lick my asshole without me having to ask.
I almost went home with him but then my hydroxycut fell out of my purse at the bar and I ran away
That was so not worth putting pants on for.
They wouldn't let me on the bull because I couldn't even sign my own name... She let me try 3 times...
With great liquor, comes great irresponsibility. Remind me of this night tomorrow.
So, I almost went hone with a French guy and a drag queen. Together. Then I became sober enough to realize, that's not my style.
Randomize
