I'm in love with you.
huh?
Don't be nervous. I'm just saying - if you had a dick, I'd suck it.
I need a hobby that doesnt involve alcohol and my tv
she was using bread to soak up the vodka off the floor then proceeded to eat it.
all i wanted was to be slutty. now i'm meeting him for drinks tomorrow because he woke up before i had a chance to sneak out and was too polite to say no
Experimentation with dessert toppings followed by shower sex. Only logical progression bro.
I wanna give a stern lecture to whoever invented pants cause they are hard right now
The strip club incident sums up our friendship pretty well
She needs sedatives and a leash
i ended up eating cold sauceless spaghetti out of the container in the fridge with my hands.
Just introduced myself to a group of people and one dude said "You're Marc!? I've heard many a legend of you." I raised bottle of champagne, said cheers, and drank with them.
You literally chaperoned my booty call.
I got sprayed in the face with titty milk and I'm still so traumatized
At one point I was counting his nipple hairs to calm myself down.
No actually you're a pro. You puked on the cab ride, and managed to completely contain it in your purse. the cabbie was even impressed.
Whenever I have a bad day I just look at the negetive pregnancy test I keep in my purse and remind myself things could be alot worse.
Randomize
