I rubbed one out into an envelope and mailed it to her. Game point, I win.
I wish i could put a picture of my ass of my resume...that seems to be the only way i will ever get hired
Classy. Drunk on alcoholic "energy drink" at work before 8 am on a Tuesday. Between that and hanging out in bars with no pants on, your life is beginning to sound like a Bukowski novel.
Girls night always turns into let's seperate and get laid night.
Tough to be a good wingman when you puke on yourself and everyone w/in a 5 ft radius at the FIRST bar we go to so don't tell me to step my game up
Makers Mark. Chicken nuggets in a blender. Smart
well i mean she can't stop a weed based friendship...its like a trying to stop a bomb or a really fast train...
We just got home a lil bit ago. No sorority girls showed except the ugly swimmer chick and she asked if I've ever faked an orgasm.
I'm eating a subway sandwich in the bathtub because I don't want to move. God bless boys from Brooklyn
She said she wouldn't get out of hand. When the cops showed up she jumped off the 4ft high porch and fell into a ditch. She then buried herself because she was wearing light pants and though the light from the cops flashlights would reflect off her pants. We couldn't find her for 40 minutes.
I told you being able to play expert on guitar hero would get us laid one day
in the future we should consider sippy cups so we can drink and passout accordingly
Im four hours late for work AND i pissed my bed
The blonde cop looked at my license and told me I better have be home when her shift ends
I hate you
Do you recall asking me to zip line through your wedding dressed as a bleeding angel?
Randomize
