So you honestly dont remember putting honey in your bong? You kept talking about how you wanted to become a bee and fly
I bought the tickets, he brought the weed. thanks to you, we had to roll a joint out of my bible paper.
on of the only things i remember was the security guard told me i was too drunk for laser tag.
Bagel with cream cheese. It's blowing my fucking mind.
How high are you right now..
I MICROWAVED IT. SIGNIFICANT IMPROVEMENT.
My alcohol tolerance is way too high for this paycheck.
So I gave him a handjob and now we aren't friends anymore
You're at Notre Dame. What did you expect?
Because of him my new motto is "Keep calm and fuck a guy with a beard". Yes, I am serious.
The face that yo gabba gabba comes up when I'm stoned and searching for yoga workouts is scary or dangerous
Was that you I seen riding on the top of a cab? Way to start the new year
Germany has fetish clubs for everything. We are going to Germany. Germany is our friend.
why can't I meet attractive men at the places I like to hang out? like books a million. or the liquor store.
So then we ended up at a bar full of navy SEALs and I got one of them to take his shirt off, then I felt him up
I feel like 31-year old me is 21-year old me's hero
I'm going to need to invest in some knee pads if I keep having nights like tonight
Compositionally, that's actually a really nice picture.
And your penis looks really nice too.
I'm a little concerned about right now. You showed up at my house soaking wet, drunk with a bag of ham and 2 liter of Dr. Pepper, and you refused to tell me where you got the ham until I gave you some more liquor.
Randomize
