I walked into the garage and you were telling the bikes that you were not that drunk.
He told me I handled myself pretty well considering how drunk I was. He failed to realize that the lollipop I had was one I found on the ground a few minutes before hand.
What's life without a lamp shade you wore home?
he's dressed up as pikachu 3 fucking years in a row and gotten laid each time. i don't understand
The to do list extremely baked self wrote for me last night says "1. Join gym 2. Passport? 3. Join a gym" And then just a drawing of a squid
You installed a beer holder in the shower?! You're the best roommate ever!
... That's a shower caddy.
I believe this is a toe-mate-toe vs. toe-maut-toe situation.
Shit. I'm suppose to call the bank but I'm too high to talk numbers.
It was all fun and games until he noticed the hickey that he hadn't given me...
I was weirded out when the chunky goth girl and her boyfriend both started eyeing me and wanted to by me a drink.
I went shopping for a dress that was baptism and bar appropriate.
she paid $15 and a box of cheerios for their acid
My new years resolution is going to be to stop drunk snapchatting old hook ups asking them when we're going to bang again
Just because I'm sleeping with him doesn't mean I'm in love with him, it means that I want to have sex with someone who isn't a serial killer.
Just got done being naked and Mooning the cops. I'm still alive. Let's drink.
Dear Douchebag, I would just like to formally issue this fuck you. You will be receiving a letter in the mail soon. With all of your stuff.
Randomize
