come over anyways, right now, right this second
it can be a super quick quicky, then you can go back to studying
wow, that sounds SO fun, please stop enticing me with premature ejaculation
The verizon commercial has a magical pinata. Candy just keeps coming out. It must be a portal to a candy universe.
She kept saying "I didn't do it" but she was so drunk she forgot her pee was orange from her UTI medicine.
I just remember getting him back by licking the window on his truck.
we found you in the closet, clutching coats that werent yours for stability
That is correct. I did in fact somehow pass out in the tanning booth for over an hour. And yes the attendant did have to open it up and shake me awake.
the creek. my friends left me at a party next thing i know im in a breaststroke relay race with a bunch of randos in the dark
Man...I want to get monumentally fucked tonight.
I can't stop drooling did you spike my drink?
On a side note...my DUI lawyer just snapchatted me. This is the exact moment in time when I realized my like IS a joke.
Yeeeaahhh, I'm in no rush to dismiss a level 6 booty-call that pays my bar tabs and understands my Harry Potter obsession.
Just used the handle end of a spatula to get the baggie of coke wedged between my passenger seat. Innovation points?
Knew i was going to puke. So i grabed a bowl out of the kitcken in the dark before bed...Ended up puking into a spaghetti strainer...
He was wearing a diaper to the party. I've never felt like such a creep in my life.
But really, what kind of hoe life adventure in Mexico would you do that would top me blowing a trucker?
Randomize
