Do you have any cake mix? I kind of need to make a "im sorry i drank all your parents tequila, threw up all over your floor and slept with you boyfriend" cake.
Totally about to meet up with Ryan in an empty parking lot. Expect to fuck him. Yes I know it's 3am. Slutty? Possibly. Excited? Damn right.
Is it weird if I ask my drug dealer to prom? Be honest.
We went out. i got lost. dunno where they were. they slept in the car. i slept in an outdoor shower. i dont know anything else.
It happened again. Now theres even more baby powder and its all over the place, I'm not cleaning that house.
I gotta stop tellin complete strangers at the bar that they're the godparents to my first born
I have pink band-aids all over my body, WHAT HAPPENED?
Keg backpack and a Bike
You said that "grilled cheese was much to complex" and started to throw the buttered bread at the wall while eating all the cheese.
Just walk straight and zig zag through cars tell you get to the road. That's where I am. Perpendicular to the doors do not make any turns
To be so small, the mini-horses are exceptionally aggressive. And fast. Very, very fast.
Abort! Abort! He almost bit off a finger!
And if I don't get arrested for drinking and canoeing over the next 3 days, this hurricane will not have turned out anywhere near as well as I planned
I just stole some rubbers from the girl I stayed with last night so I can use them on a different girl today..
There arew tilmes ina man's life when christmaas. THerew are times in a man's lfie when drunk texts from a bathrom hyufgirto. So, you know, merry chriastmans.
pray to the hookup gods
It's like all the guys I keep around if I wanna have sex with all got mad at the same time. I guess I'll get out my vibrator again.
Randomize