Any of you guys fuck a 16 year old again? Because our front yard got fucked over high school style.
Haha, just learned changing others iPhone passcodes is fun while drunk but not fun the next morning.
dude she has hot friends.. do you want blonde brunette or red head.. maybe asian?
what is this build-a-bear? .. just gimme one thats breathing
Just walk through the Honors dorm on a Saturday night. You'll feel better about yourself.
Dudeeeee, i ordered strippers for my party.
I ordered a moonbounce.
Fuck, you win.
I think it's time we have the "weird fetish" talk.
And we should impose a 'friends don't let friends order 25 shots at last call' rule
You convinced me that eggnog and rum is a great moisturizer.
Damn, it's been so long since I had sex I could use the cobwebs from my vagina to decorate for Halloween.
You almost hooked up with 200lb woman in her mid-forties, because you were convinced she was adele. Your drinking problem is officially out of control.
Knowing that he goes to voodoo every Thursday really makes me want to get myself checked.
you took a potato out of your pocket and just started eating it raw. don't know where the potato came from though
21st birthday = success
You don't know how badly I want to just hold you as a soup spoon holds a bisque
I was sleeping pretty good until your cat pooped loudly. I dreamed that a full grown man was pooping on my ear. It startled me.
I just gave myself a foot massage. #SingleAsFuck
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