You were running around the house with a purple crayon asking people to call you harold..
Just found out my mom tried to sue the birth control company when she got pregnant with me...love you too mom.
Well we were just driving down the street, there was a realtor and a couple walking up the porch of a house for sale, mark sticks his head out, opens his mouth to say something, pukes all down the side of the car, pauses, and yells "THIS IS A PHENOMAL NEIGHBORHOOD YOURE GONNA LOVE IT"
I woke up to her staring at me in a corner moaning over and over again about how good the pie crust tasted
at what point did you think saran wrap was a better alternative to shoes?
Were at her birthday dinner and her dad keeps buying me shots saying when I was your age I fucked the shit outta girls
Hahahahahaha remind him your dating his daughter
... They left for 10 minutes and came back with a lobster he's in the toilet downstairs
Is this a genuine concern or are you just high?
JUST BECAUSE I'M HIGH DOESN'T MEAN ITS NOT GENUINE CONCERN.
There appears to be a lake on my nightstand. As usual, I should not be considered a suspect. Together, we will find out who did this.
Just had a memory of you pretending to be a begging dog putting your head on my lap while I fed you. Great night to try a new drug.
I'LL COME GET YOU. GOTTA FIND A SUIT THAT COVERS TIT BRUISES FIRST.
I'm dipping store brand pepperoni pizza in bacon flavored ranch dressing. Obesity tastes so good.
I've lost every trace of self esteem. Even sneaking a BJ in the coffee room has lost it's luster.
bitch dont make me pour hotsauce in your vagina
I currently don't understand fingers.
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