If it has a penis then it will be stupid. Just how it works.
Never forget that any girl can get her way if she puts her vagina on the table.
His drunken night ended with a "car accident" which really meant he was stuck in a toy car and pushed down the steps.
Dude, I don't care how big her tits are. I have to dump her. She shit in my shower.
A donut and a mojito for breakfast...Helloooooo Derby Wekkend!
on a related note, did you know that the fire alarm in our apartment talks?
We had sex under a tree in his boss's backyard, then I hooked up with his best friend. I don't even care how I got home.
I received a letter in the mail from my ex equipped with a used condom,dirt, some hair, and a nude portrait of myself.
when i saw his roomate the next night he kept openly referring to me as "the girl who orgasms loud" when he would try to get my attention
I may be bringing home two guys tonight. I'f they won't go for a double-team you can have the lanky one.
On second thought, is it weird that I scheduled a surgery that determines my fertility around lingerie football night? I might have fucked up priorities.
Absolutely not. I would have done the exact same thing.
this relationship shit is hard. like i'd like to be able to watch veep without him trying to dry hump me. also im drunk and its 11 am so
THEY HAVE BEEN GOING AT IT FOR 2 HOURS AND I HEAR THEM BANGING THIS IS BULLSHIT
After an orgasm, I always feel the urge to sing A Whole New World from the move Aladdin and I'm not quite sure why.
Dick is dick. I’m not turning it down because he’s younger than me. Covid has been a real cockblock and I’m a woman with needs
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