yo im tryna cop a beej tonight
you were running down the aisles of wal mart singing 'follow the yellowbrick road'. i'm pretty sure you thought the night shift workers were the munchkins & started crying when they wouldnt help u find the wizard. needless to say u were pretty stoned/wasted
You told my mother that her salad dressing tasted like semen.
This exeeds the amount of high I planned on being.
i feel like the 7 eleven by your house knows our deepest, darkest secrets
My sister was not impressed when she got here. I was standing in the doorway in my underwear drinking a beer. At 2pm. On a Monday.
Some idiot from high school is in the hospital for bonging three beers up his ass
He should have died. Natural selection.
I think I just got judged by the pizza guy. dude, you deliver fucking pizza. you need rethink YOUR life.
my new game is to try to use the phrase "explosion in your mouth". as much as possible on tinder.
I woke up and there was a mans ass as my screensaver...
In order to save time, dignity and liver damage, wanna get naked?
I walked in..crop dusted the whole place then asked her if she wanted to go to a place that smells better.
You were always a thinker
I am eating a fluff-a-nutter sandwich at the gym right now. I brought vodka too.
I am downtown smoking a joint with Woody Harrelson...Because our car won't start. I will be there as soon as I can.
We were all having a bath, the three of us, then that drug dealer guy walked in and peed. Sitting down. Apparently he didn't want to offend us.
Randomize
