you want me
i'd rather choke on a dick.
You know it's an interesting night when you drunkenly scream at your boss, "You'd make a HORRIBLE OBGYN!! You're hands are ENORMOUS!"
you kept trying to make scrambled eggs with 3 hardboiled ones.
i just heard one Asian kid say to another, "i bet if i could get into Harvard i could get laid all the time, my brother lost his virginity the first night there."
just had amazing sex with a girl I got caught with in second grade playing doctor. her examination is finallllly over
um, yes. it's my birthday, of course there will be acid.
Maybe its all the xanax she takes but she literally has NO shame
Nypd just made jon and hayes chug their forties.
We're high and this subject came up and I'd like a female opinion: if you were a dude, what would you do if a girl tried to give you a foot job?
Hey, you remember years ago when you told me you would give me a kidney?
I'm good. We walked you back to my apartment and you demanded to eat the sandwich I made for him
I just thought about how many drinks I had last night and threw up.
Ok. After that I think I'm going to drag queen jello wrestling if you would care to join.
i just cleaned my bong... I do not feel healthy
I'm laying backwards. On the stairs. Eating carrots. And drinking from a captain Morgan bottle.
Randomize
