it hurts more in the daytime
i wish there were pregnant emoticons
Sex tip #67: Jizz in the eye is very near the equivalent to pepper spray. Not recommended for pleasure enhancement.
I hope whoever gets these locks of love doesn't have a drug test anytime soon
Just told my mom sparks is a health drink. Officially getting hammered on the way to the beach.
just had to sit in the middle of an aisle in stop and shop because we're too hungover and needed to take a break.
Let's just rave with boners that last for hours
You in for a dick vacation?
YES, even though I have no idea what that means
What was the point of renting a $600 trolley if no one even remembers going to the first bar?
Why wake up next to a guy when you can wake up next to a bag of chips and not have to worry about what kind of std you might've caught
but I'm still not sure how you became more and more fluent in Spanish the drunker you got
What have I told you about trying to use Jesus as your wingman?!
We were supposed fuck one time, but ended up fucking for 2 years.
You're like a care bear with a big cock & a sexual prowess that would put the mighty Thor to shame.
I need to find a divorced guy with a boat and let my tits do the talking
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