You're the only person with a favorite bar in Disneyworld
Just heard the garage door open and I immediately sprinted to the laptop to erase history, even though I haven't watched porn today...I believe Pavlov now.
You said you didn't deserve to walk so you started crawling down to your room
Toga everclear = hospital visit... Im sure the paramedics hate me right now
We found you passed out clutching your purse. There was 16oz of unopened cheddar cheese inside. You just kept saying SALSA YES.
Jordan and I are drunk and barred out at the liquor store sitting in the awesome $70 Corona bench bargaining with the owner for a lower price, all while passing the Belvedere bottle between the two of us. Real life. College has down this.
I mean he gave me an 'I owe you an orgasm' fist bump
He was very considerate of my needs, he offered me pizza before and after.
Had to sacrifice my vibrator batteries to the thermostat gods. I had a dirty dream and also almost a heat stroke.
I just had to go dumpster diving, at 3am, in the rain, because I realized that I somehow threw away the brand new package of birth control pills I picked up from the pharmacy this afternoon. So I'm sort of a responsible adult.
Almost lost a vagina lip in the great shave of '16
I am not walking across campus just to give you a blow job in the hopes that in return i can study more efficiently.
Maybe it’s too soon to casually tell the boss that I went to Tulsa for some dick last night
I wonder how vigorously I can jack off in a one person tent without being noticed???
she said. She was going to, and I quote, "put her vagina inside my dick".
Randomize