I'm like a rollypolly, I only open my legs up when I feel safe.
Why do girls get to wear clothes that say "do me now" but guys don't have that kind of option?
I mean, what would the male equivalent of a slutty dress be?
She just said she finds Tyler Perry funny... this is not going to work.
So i've def seen the girl running for student body VP getting fingered in a bar.
I just asked my hair stylist how many percocets she'd do my hair for.
Apparently I gave him a 'Steve jobs blowjob'
The AC broke so he ended up sleeping in the front yard and left his one night stand on the couch.
I have bruises on the inside of my thighs from sliding down the stair case...thanks for encouraging that slut show
I'm sitting outside your room listening for sex noises eating pepperoni...slowly
The guy I made out with the other night fed me chipotle favored funions and I thought it was true love when I was drunk.
We ate sushi in a hospital bed, then fucked in a bathroom while I wore a gown. Pretty sure she's the one
He lured me round with the prospect of sex and then made me proofread his CV and spoon. I fucking hate this guy.
I wasnt 2 drunk i sobered up around the time we were shooting the fire extinguishers
What did you delete my number or something
Oh honey. What makes you think I saved in in the first place?
We met behind our asshole boss's back with the intent to oust him from the company. If this revolution is a success, bring nachoes.
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