I pretty much can't stop smiling when I talk to you. Even when you talk about disease and infectious diarrhea.
I don't do stupid things anymore. I do stupid people.
And God said, "Let there be Twilight," and it was so.
I should injure you considerably.
You know your in college when you use the receipt from the liquor store as a bookmark
I guess you don't realize how much twelve bags of chips are, until they're all over your floor.
Why hello there Olivia! How are you today on this fine and most wonderful morning full of magic and adventure and awesomeness?
Someone just got laid.
the last time i saw him was an hour he was floating face down in a pool... but i'm sure he's fine.
Rent Disney Oceans. Smoke a bowl. Fast forward to the seal section. Then call me.
I mean, how many people can say they helped surgically remove something from their body? Other than the guy that got his hand stuck under a rock and cut it off. Doesn't count
I will suppress my appetite by doing shots then passing out
She took one look at my hardon and said, "You have a dick built for anal."
That wasn't a compliment.
Boys should be on-demand - like, once you select one, he's yours for the next 24-hours
Dude random question. Where you with me when the vulture got electrocuted from the power lines and fell on the sidewalk in front of us?
Yeah, I'm just gonna try to repress that and remember him for his big dick and perfect jawline.
Is it bad when your own grandmother calls you a whore?
Randomize
