My idea of sleeping together involves doing the Humpty Hump. Her idea of sleeping together focused more on being fully clothed on the opposite sides of a king sized bed.
Dude. I tried to convince her to eat poprocks and give me a blowjob. It did not work out well.
Have $25 to my name but it's $2 pitchers. I have no choice but to go.
Is a box of franzia too insincere of a gift for "i'm sorry I backed into your toddler with my car"?
Mym mom just came downstairs as I got ghome ans I'm trying to act SO CASUAL as i stabdh here hut icant help bur be like 'girl where's ther Turkey sandwiche s' haahaa
I literally need you to talke care of me soooo9o9oooooo drubj gril makin a sabdwiche. SO far its judst bred and paper towel...
Yea... you were given too many get out of jail free cards. God just gave up on you having a healthy and happy vagina.
This message brought to you by inappropriate slogans. Cotton candy, melting in your mouth like boners.
You couldn't remember her number so you tried to dial her name into your phone. Once you realized you didn't know her name, you dialed 7 random numbers
We need to get stoned and watch Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles 2. This has become a priority. Schedule accordingly.
Oh no. Did we do a blood oath again?!
I accidentally sent my dad a very explicit Star Wars fanfiction and he replied with "That was great!"
You know tonight's gonna be a good night when your already planning on sleeping in a trunk
And you tried to get me to have sex with you in our Harry potter closet lol
Lmao. K I'll be 100% honest. I was over at your place like 12 hours ago with your roommate. If I hadn't of been there then I'd take you up on your booty call offer. So. If you're not creeped out another time please?
I know I may be showing my age by saying this but this is the first time I have been eaten out in the parking lot behind the Clairmont Inn since 1990
Randomize
