I just farted so loud that my cat got so scared he fell off the couch.
i wish there was an iPhone app that lets you write a TeXt LiKe tHiS
dude...come out of the closet already
nutella sex= disaster
Nothin says happy bday jesus like a shot with your loved ones.
You put a nerf gun to his head and demanded him to take you to taco bell..
The neighbors are smoking hash and doing Julia Child impressions...again.
hey, haven't seen your testicles in a while...you 3 still alive?
My "Week Of Not Checking Into OK Cupid So I Don't Hook Up With Another Fat Chick" lasted four hours. On the plus side, she was the smallest one yet.
IDK DUDE BUT HE TIED IT WITH A SHOELACE SO I GOTTA FREE SHOELACE OUTTA THE DEAL. THIS GIVES A NEW MEANING TO LACED DRUGS
So after I fell off 4 times we concluded I'm not allowed to ride him anymore.
Nice. Ask if they watched saved by the bell. yes=legal. No=jailbait
Alternately I could tell him western classical is just a series of events that had to happen for music to reach the point where Beyoncé was able to pen drunk in love, which is the pinnacle of humanity's artistic achievement thus far
Well, he pretended he was climbing me like he was a monkey and I was a tree during sex.
PSA Do not blow dry your junk.
She asked me if I could do that to her every single time. I said nope. sometimes it's better.
Randomize
