I was totally willing to let her keep giving me blowjobs as long as she didn't think we were in a relationship.
i wonder what barack obama's brickbreaker high score is...
i was just texting to let you know that my facebook chat is working again so you can talk to me more. please talk to me more.
i know we're in college but you cant booty call me at 3 in the afternoon. i dont care how drunk you are.
Tempting. But I already used the alcohol poisoning excuse at work this month. No way he would believe it a second time...
Its funny how you denied every part of the text except " you hate fat ppl"
Circumcision scars are like fingerprints. I think I'm on to something man.
You don't want any of I have. Seriously. Its 80 proof rum that was 8 bucks for a liter. I'm afraid
I'm sure your liver is writing out a will as we speak
The condom broke. Its OK tho, turns out I was just humping her thigh for 20 minutes. Jager dude, Jager.
It's a toss up. They'll either laugh and watch you drunkenly fuck on the beach or they'll throw you deep in Mexican jail.
I really want to throw this drink in your face but it was 6 dollars that shits expensive
I had a dream about that dude. It was the first time I had a dream about him since the tryst.
The tryst?
The hookup. I like using sophisticated words for my foolish decisions. Makes me retain some dignity.
This is a life or shit situation. Grab me toilet paper asap. This bathroom is fucking out. This is not a test. This an actual emergency and I am not joking.
If I'm not there when the plane leaves, I didn't make it through security. See you at home! Vegas bitches!!!
anything below 65° is too cold to be naked on a roof
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