That's ok. Our relationship has a solid foundation of booze and questionable behavior.
i just threw up in the porta potty. i am in no condition to be guarding anyone's life rite now.
Don't blame the cocaine for your eating disorder.
Everybody knows the last week of summer internships include showing up to the office hammered and hitting on the CEO
Whoever I saved in my phone as "Jackpot" last night has your keys.
I dunno if you guys are having weird sex or a most accurate bird sound contest but either way stop doin it
Hey in a lighter note I also nutted in that cheerleader too if she got prego there would have been a team reunion on Maury
I woke up in a trash can. Please dude. I don't know what I did to you last night, but I'm sorry. Epically sorry. Please call me back. Please.
I almost tried texting you with my pipe. Holy fuck this is good shit.
My ideal friend would be my dog as a drug dealer
That shot was terrible
You were like one of those guys at carnivals that spit out fire..... Except it was throw up
you sternly forced jackson to start preheating the oven around midnight so you could make bagels in the morning
you were serious about those bagels
Today I learned that when you lick a mans butthole, you get wined and dined at a nice french restaurant.
If you can't have hot, loud sex in a dorm for the last time ever, what can you do in this world?
He's been pretending to be gay for 3 months in order to get free weed.
Randomize
