i need gas-x and some way to take back every single thing i did last night.
remember when mike pissed in his pants and then put a double cheeburger in the pocketsss of said wet pants for "safe keeping"? yea drunker then that.
while you were getting the key to the dorm from the lobby i was giving a drunk monolog to the security camera about my life
She asked me how I live with myself. I told her one night at a time.
Just pulled over to throw up in a day care parking lot while the kids were outside playing. The adults were mortified.
The guy who took my order at mcdonalds asked for my number. I think we should start fucking fast food employees, they're easy and think we're goddesses.
I concluded last night that you have no tear ducts, heart, or sense of any feeling.
Because I can't get laid, I'm day-drinking and hunting squirrels in the backyard. You can take the girl out of Montana...
I be dancing. See you soon. You can drink tequila from my pants.
WHEN YOU HAVE SEX WITH A GUY FROM A DIFFERENT COUNTRY YOURE SUPPOSED TO NEVER SEE THEM AGAIN
PLEASE AT LEAST MEOW SO I KNOW YOU AREN'T DEAD
My mom's yelling at me for being a whore and my dad's quizzing me on how to drive in winter weather....I'm home!
If my body were a person, it would be beating the shit out of me for what I did to it last night.
He was shirtless in my yard saying he was jesus
I’m not sure she knows my name. She introduced me as “the fuck toy”
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