I just sat in the Taco Bell drive-thru waiting for a trash can to take my order. Yes, that high.
If him repeating sorry while thrusting isn't makeup sex than I don't know what else is
Woke up with his dick on the side of my face, it's like he passed out mid-mushroom stamp.
You had me at "mimosas" several texts ago.
So his mom walked in the kitchen while I was sucking him off and just casually suggested that "I'd need a glass of water after that"
Would it be sharing too much to tell you that my nipples hurt so much that I couldn't comfortably go down the stairs?
i just wrote an ode to an enchilada dorito. i'll need that pregnancy test now please.
If I wasn't stoned and knee deep in cheese and crackers I'd help.
You were so high that you only FaceTimed me so that you could stare into your own eyes and not actually say anything
I swear going to your house is like going to a strip club, no matter what happens I get glitter on me.
He said we were over, wrote my name on the condom he left in my car last night and said he'd always keep it in case I came back. It was kind of romantic
I spilled wine on my pillowcase and I figure it's basically my lifeblood so I'm just leaving it
I've broken 3 vibrators in the past month because I apparently am "too rough" with them. Is that even possible?!
Had a vaginal orgasm. I feel like I made sex my bitch.
I successfully cockblocked 5 people in one night. I wasnt getting any, why should they.
Randomize
