His facebook profile says he's interested in men, but i'm choosing to ignore that
Is it sad i was sitting here thinkin how i would only fuck Rob Pattinson if he was glittery at said time.
I have a story that starts with Nutella and ends with sex in the laundry building at RIT.
So you started off by saying "no homo," but patting his crotch and saying his jeans fit him wonderfully may have overshadowed that.
It's really awkward to greet the pastor when I know I've licked chocolate syrup off his daughter's chest.
I just realized I haven't had steady access to a woman's body since I was breastfeeding.
Well on a lighter note, guess who just threw up in the elevator
I mean, once you get beat with a dildo you can't look at someone the same
Just finished off a roll of paper towels. Celebration blunt?
I don't understand but I'll be there in 5
Uhm; your sign says 'Welcome to KFC' and for some reason I can't seem to open the door.
I'm watching Trainwreck with Jeff and realizing that I'm the John Cena in my relationship.
if wiping your ass w an envelope isnt the definition of hitting "financial rock bottom " then nothing is!
Please stop calling me a pterodactyl during sex. It only happens when you're drunk, but still.
Apparently when you start crushing adderall and blending them into your margaritas calling them blenderalls you have "a problem" WTF
After returning from the hospital with lock-jaw from getting tackle at the game. Some naked chick busted out of his room and hit him with a devastating haymaker to the jaw because he wouldn't have sex
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