you said youd get me home safely, you dropped me off at 9:30 last night and i just woke up on my porch.
well i just puked at a family gathering so i can cross that off the bucket list
No, drunk sperm still make babies.
Who would have sex with her? She looks like she shops at baby gap
She's allergic to latex.
Lucky bastard.
I want something that's relevant to him banging her right after I did. Like "runner-up"
Or I could just give you a blow job and make it up to you.
No, that's okay. Don't worry about it.
Going once.....twice.........sold to the girl who didn't really wanna do it anyway.
I'm skyping with my parents and reading Cosmo articles on giving great head. I'm on a roller coaster that only goes up, baby.
All I wanted was a quiet evening to masturbate and eat cake and instead you ruined it by bringing girls over.
Synchronized big wheels back flips off the second floor roof. Good idea or great idea?
He shit in a sock dude, you can't come back from that
Has my life seriously led me to day drinking on a Monday the third week of the semester?
It's after 5, it's not day drinking.
Dude best one night stand i woke she was cleaning our fridge while waiting for the cab to show
THE HALLOWEEN QUEST WILL BE PICS OF US IN OUR COSTUMES IN EXCHANGE FOR DICK PICS. IT HAS BEEN DECIDED.
My lack of taco bell is hindering me from seeing the good part of that situation
Randomize
