This is not a drunk text right now. This is an i want your dick text. There is a difference.
well, if it werent for her you wouldnt have gotten a handjob in the middle of the bar. so, maybe you should thank her too.
He stole the megaphone off an ATM then we drove around so he could tell people not to jaywalk.
His penis makes me feel like a mystic dragon sliding down a turbo slide covered in white gumdrops and sour cashews
Same.
I projectile vomited in his sisters room where the toiled would have been if it were the bathroom.
Okay. But I hope it isn't expensive lingerie. Because I'm ripping it off Hulk Hogan style.
Is it too early to start a donation jar for my 4th of july hospital bills?
How was the party? Lets put it this way: "He wants her dick" was a factual sentence stated last night.
Drunk and alone at a magic show is what my life has become without you
If you've never been pounded by an Eastern European body builder, I would highly recommend it.
I couldn't finish the episode and had to lay down because the snapple commercial with the mustache was blowing my mind
its not everyday you see batman on the ground with someone riverdancing on his face bourbon street never disappoints
My mom just said "okay girls, the ONLY thing i ask is that you stay sober Saturday afternoon, until halfway through lunch. And you don't wear that crystal camo hat. This is a funeral, not a tailgate party"
Best wishes.
im in DESPERATE NEED OF A COMPANION RIGHT NOW I’M MOTHER FUCKING TRIPPING SOLID GOLD BALLS
Hey man, he's too drunk to remember what you said. What drugs are we buying and when should we expect them?
Randomize
