# days @ Coachella: 1 people i showed how to break it down: 279
its official now. im not pissing on secret service cars with a senators inside anymore.
I just saw the pics of me from the costume party as Party Boy. I've effectively cock-blocked myself forever.
I somehow ended up with a bottle of red wine in one hand and white in the other and would drink them at the same time. Ruined
we should look into getting a golf cart for the weekend. i have a feeling legs wont be a sufficient source of transportation.
Post a pic on facebook and see if those same 46 girls find shitting in the bed handsome and adorable
Whiskey dick is like insurance for making bad decisions
Can someone please explain where the fish in the mason jar came from when we were at a bar all night?
You told the bartender if he gave you one of the fish you'd go away
When did it become normal to wake up in the middle of the night to take a group bathroom break and have a 10 minute discussion on where the next football game is?
I did not have sex with him because he had a puppy…finding out he had a husky pup waiting back at home was just an unexpected plus
The doctor said that if they accidentally damage my nerve endings I could permanently lose feeling in my lower jaw.. Honestly the first thing that came to mind was how that would affect my blowjob skills.
I know it's just really hard to give up sex and cigs during a blizzard
A million fucking miles away, and the sun still manages to fuck my hungover mornings up.
I'm no doctor but I don't think balls are supposed to look like that.
I am mildly hung over. Decided pants are very unnecessary right now.
Randomize
