there are so many fish in the see you have left to fuck
Performed a legit marriage between 2 drunk people at last call yesterday. Becoming ordained has already paid for itself.
Rooting for you and your team in the Beer Olympics this afternoon...! Love you, Mom
Beer Popsicles are better in theory
I just farted in the bathroom and the guy in the stall next to me started gagging. Its a beauitful day
You know what, don't say anything. You all made fun on me for saying I would fuck him junior year when he taught us algebra and six years later, HERE I AM.
I didn't have the heart to tell him that the reason my vagina was so "prelubricated" was because I had just had another gentleman caller an hour earlier. So, when he commented about how turned on I appeared, I just went with it.
There a special place in hell for drunk criers. A special FUCKING PLACE
That's right. I did.
You are the saddest 25 year old gay man I've ever had the displeasure of knowing.
had a dream that i inhaled my pet bird and started choking. Then I tried smoking from a bong and suddenly I smoked myself inside out. this is what happens when I don't smoke weed. my brain can't function!
You have 4 bottles of kahlua in ur drawers but no sox
How do you keep manipulating these men into helping you?
I'm a massage therapist with an oral fixation. It's not nearly as hard as you make it out to be.
WHY WOULD YOU SWIPE RIGHT???!!!!!
The same reason I ordered and ate almost an entire pizza last night
2016 was supposed to be my year of being a ho, but I guess 2017 might be too.
Have you ever thought, hey maybe the reason we were togather that long was because I was drunk the whole relationship?
Randomize