don't worry about the poodle she's always like that. she's like 14 years old and ate a bag of weed when she was a puppy.
hell no. last time, i couldn't pee straight for a week.
you're not a real person. you're actually just like a box of wine that can talk
She came back in her actual cheerleader uniform. Made a bad bj tolerable.
I have officially had sex in every room on my floor. Don't say I'm not an amazing RA.
Just walked into the bathroom and looked straight ahead and made eye contact with a guy taking a shit through the crack in the stall door...
The cops raided her house the day before class even started
Those assholes are becoming so efficient
I had not one but two drunk coworkers text me and hit on me tonight. I feel like I've finally been accepted into my dysfunctional workplace
Martha Stewart has had a one night stand and is unsure if she's had a threesome. I no longer feel slutty.
You know what the worst feeling in the world is? Sitting in your 6pm AA meeting still hungover from the night before
WHY WONT HOT GETMAN MAKR PUPR WITH ME!!!!???!?!!
I am no longer drunk enough to crave tostitos
Nothing like sitting at your midterm pissed at yourself because you put your graphing calculator batteries in your vibrator and forgot to put them back in before the exam 😑
Sex to movie scores is my best choice of the year. You've had an orgasm but have you had an orgasm with an entire orchestra.
Naptime over. I've got fresh contacts and tequila. RAAAAAAGE!
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