You don't have asthma, your pregnant
So I had sex in the woods... it was just as dirty as you'd expect it would be.. and not in a good way.
There is no excuse for watching a Jesse McCartney movie.
so i just realized i am an alcoholic. I was making some tomato soup because im still sick, and put vodka in it. sad huh? lets go out!
he had a dikembe mutombo jersey on, was swatting peoples drinks out of their hand and wagging his finger in their face everytime he did it.
that beer fried lasagna last night was sooo good
that wasnt beer fried lasagna, you just poured beer on my lasagna
I succsesfully kept my nipples in my dress all night. Even when I got in a fight. I was made for the bar.
Sorry I pissed in your dining room and kicked your best friend in the face while he was passed out.
I think you're my mermaid sister. Separated at birth, by sea.
I fucking hate tequila. Tequila makes me hate pants.
Just woke up. Naked. Under an animal pelt. With a girl. I've never met her. She's pretty naked too.
IT WAS JUST SO LITTLE AND AWKWARDLY FLOPPING BACK AND FORTH
We are best friends because we can vomit simultaneously in the same toilet and not care
Then, even the devil himself would be scared of us. And we'd be bestfriends with Jesus. He would love us.
he sent me a picture of him holding out his pinky so we could pinky promise. i have to fuck him now
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