where's my purse there's an important taco in it
He just said he was the Jesus of alcoholics.
He said his penis was a 1 woman penis with a conscience an I was that woman...technically a declaration of commitment rite?
I was wondering, is there any way to hook up a lawn hose to a keg?
Dedication to a hook up: I had to recruit five people at the train station to help me buy a ticket from a kiosk and get on the right train in 15 minutes because I discovered that my car was stolen.
Ill go to bed but tamed sharks isnt so much of a bad idea. Not for riding
Sorry about waking up naked in your bed this morning.
He is so sweet! He thanks me for sending him dirty pix. I should keep him.
You need to somehow incorporate the phrase "these hoes ain't loyal" into your best man speech.
If you had asked me 10 years ago where I thought I'd be right now at 26 years old, I can bet you one million dollars that "tweezing out my nose hairs before I go in to get laser hair removal on my upper lip" would NOT have been the answer
I woke up on the couch screaming in pain. I don't know how ended up there or why my foot was double the size. all I know is I'm now in a cast and never drinking tequila again. worst hangover ever.
He’s 48, has a Prince Albert piercing and a white Range Rover
yeah, my mom got it for me because it had animals AND alcohol.
Honestly, you can’t tell the whole sorority he has a donkey dick and expect that no one would sleep with him after you broke up
On a scale of 1 to 10, with 1 being “good” and 10 being “banging a student’s father”, how bad is it that I’m banging a student’s father?
Randomize
