You know that restaurant that is like over by home depot?
That shitty one? I heard the food sucks there
It's my parent's restaurant
my family just sang happy birthday to baby jesus. no ones even drunk yet
hes a soccer player too.. you'd think he has better penis eye coordination
So High I just made Cadbury Coffee. I don't know what it is yet, but it involves Cadbury Eggs and coffee.
Please do NOT set off the smoke alarm when I am tied to the bed like this...
Just suggested things for my dad to get my mom for Christmas in terms of "yeah you'll get laid."
i left with the words "thank you for undersanding my sluttiness"
I have acquired 14 pictures of hard dicks tonight... I was on a mission. Don't even pretend you aren't proud.
Your subconscious sucks. Mine is awesome. I have a recurring dream where I manage a chocolate factory run by big titted hookers.
A) you're a liar. B) that would be awesome.
I tried to make friends with the geese living behind Hughes. They didn't really like that idea.
Are you high?
I gave up on alcohol forever for like 2 hours, that's got to be a new record
got a blowjob in the bar bathroom, got arrested for public intoxication, and found a big bag of weed on the ground on my walk home from the station. my friday night could have been a movie
You'd be proud. Took my birth control today at 12:30 with a Budweiser. Guy across the bar saw and held his bottle up to salute me 😂
He's very cute and has a totally sit-able face.
Dude I'm drinking alone and watching cartoons. How is it that someone as hot as me is doing this.
Randomize
