is it mean to send ur x his condoms back because they are too small for ur new boyfriend?
Some guy just stopped me in the bar and asked if I had a shot named after me at another bar called God damn my VaJana hurts? He already knew my name was Jana so I couldn't deny it!
Rachel and his cat watched us 69 last night. I pretended to be embarrassed the next day... But to be honest I like an audience
I seriously think my heart may fail. And I didn't even grab a toilet beer :(
I'm not a horrible person, I just see what everyone chooses to politely ignore.. And occasionally say it aloud whilst deeply intoxicated.
Is it true if I say your name three times, you'll appear and whore everything up?
The beer bottle was sticking out of your zipper and you shook it onto unsuspecting patrons
I kept having to give myself encouraging advice like, "you know how a path works"
And then I discovered that while drunk last night I called the NAACP and left an angry voicemail demanding they fix the racism at my school
Kid got so high from the brownies he forgot his own name. Welcome to college.
OMG MY DAD TOLD ME HE MIGHT DO TINDER
Did you really eat 10 ice cream cones today?
It was tough but I powered through it.
I texted him back and I am so nervous I may vomit up all of the soup I just ate.
MDMA, margaritas, mashed potatoes and ice cream aren't keto Kristin
What you have to understand is that our lives aren't a disappointment so much as they crashed and burned with lethal doses of radiation and dog shit.
Randomize