Do you think red sox nation has an official powerpoint template/memo format for resignations of manny support, bandwagon applications, and other official business?
k so who do I think I'm kidding applying to culinary school? I just fucked up a microwaveable pizza
i just remembered i chipped my tooth last night when i pulled up your pants zipper with my teeth
Just climbed to the top of a frozen waterfall! Do you want to do drugs tm night? The two are unrelated.
If anyone could figure out how to pee on someone's soul, it would be you.
You always know what to say to make me feel better.
We smoked speed and opium for the first time. ended up harvesting cucumbers with locals at 9am in a farmers field. Laos is fuckin crazy.
He's laying next to me passed out dressed as a hooters girl
I bet he's a super pretty hooters girl
So what kind of fun pills do we have for the amusement park tomorrow?
some how during sex we caught an ENTIRE pillow on fire. A WHOLE PILLOW.
I'm eating pizza in the bathtub
I AM GONNA CUM EVERYWHERE TONIGHT BRO.
We need to step in, this can't continue. The guy she went home with last night looked exactly like Count Olaf, right down to the unibrow.
Which version tho, Jim Carrey or Neil Patrick Harris?
THAT DOESN'T FUCKING MATTER, YOU DON'T FUCK COUNT OLAF!!!
Hooked up with another cop last night. Think I am renaming my vagina "dispatch"
My ex is stopping by while he’s working tonight after delivering a pizza to fuck me, then going back to work at Pizza Hut. This is what my life has become.
when the cops came she just started yelling at them "Fuck the police! freedom of speech bitches!"
Randomize