i just woke up in a strange room and the first thing i saw was a chewbacca mask... wtf
no one will drink with you if you continue to listen to beyonce
Any time before 12:00pm. Can go fuck itself.
chasing schnapps with beer is a terrible idea. never been drunk at 3PM before. please help please please please please
You just yell-acapella'd the theme to fresh prince of bel air to me while a different song is playing in the bar.
after giving head I just always feel like I need like. ice cream. as both a means of getting the lingering sperm out of my mouth, and a congratulations.
Romantically speaking, I want to sit on his face.
I got laid while wearing a shirt with a picture with my little brother deep throating a banana on it.
A unicorn in pinstripe pants just got on the J at Dolores stop. It can only be a good night
Dude, I'm not going to use a butt plug.
you said something about joining a k-pop band before passing out topless on the trampoline.
1. so the new neighbor u called dibs on.. I'm sorry..but not really. 2. She lactates, I guess that happens when you have a kid less then 5 months ago.... WTF!! 3. Is it fucked up I'm craving Ceral & Milk now?
I have got to stop telling people I was almost a prositute every time I drink
I'm definitely not mad. My best friend is dating my drug dealer, it's impossible to be mad.
you were making out with a girl because you told her you were part of Nsync
Randomize
