I judge my drunkenness on my brickbreaker playing skills. I'm winning. Suck it.
my penis says it needs to be in something. my phonebook says its you
I'm going to an arts college, I live next to the frat houses, and my room number is 420. god has plans for me and I couldn't be happier.
the snow is so cold on my vagina.
why do you have snow on your vagina?
vodka and heels.
It's a big world.....someone has to fuck it.
it wasn't sex so much as.....a disastrously uncomfortable sexual experience
Dude i swear to christ if he sends me one more pic of a "magnificent dump" im changing my number
if creating a fake 8 year old brother, who lives with me and has had mono for the past month, to explain why I have ignored my group project members is wrong, then I... well then I'm probably going to hell
yeah, never be friends with someone with shitty eyebrows.. they obviously already make poor life choices
she definitely didn't appreciate it when you justified bringing her home by yelling to me "fat bitches need love too"
My book, "How to Live With a Huge Penis" was delivered today. Can't wait to read it in public.
I'll tell you that it involved a pair of pliers and a trip to the ER.
I demand a full explanation right now.
It's one of those "I can't stand you but we're stuck in the same hotel room tonight so let's fuck until one of us passes out" kind of nights.
I can't believe I haven't fucked an Elvis impersonator yet.
nothing like waking up to a voice mail saying your std test came back negative
Randomize
