This is some kinda fucked up sordid doggy brothel peepshow bullshit.
forecast for tonight- shitshow with a chance of tbell
my version of bright and sunny.
happy early fathers day!!!
im not a father
about that...
i was so high last night that i actually googled "how to get un high"
if you ask that question again our friendship is over
Cop gave me a ticket for public drunkedness, and then I convinced him to drive me back to the party
we turned his baptism video into a drinking game
Fuck buddy has no power. Invited her over to use my shower. I love hurricaines.
You sprayed lysol all over me. You said that my soberness was infecting your night.
I can hear my parents having sex. I REPEAT. I CAN HEAR MY PARENTS HAVING SEX! THIS IS NOT A DRILL!
Your mom is 55 and has MS. To be honest, I'm proud of her, and you should be too, bitch.
New drink: empty coke can vodka water maple syrup. Get on my level
I've counted four places at work I need to get laid in. Come help me accomplish this.
Hey, I'm your guy
I'm sitting in Madison square park surrounded by children thanking god I took emergency contraception
Found an elderly homeless guy with a Gandalf beard passed out on my porch. I put a Santa hat over his erect dick cause he was naked.
its like probably shouldnt be sending pics of your asshole to strangers who work in the same building as you
You aaa... you ever forget to wipe your ass?
Randomize
