did I really admit that id have sex with that cougar had I been more drunk?...ugh...i need to masterbate more
Can I ask u a weird question?
Sure
do u have the hershy squirts too?
he got his own cum in his own eye. TWICE. how do you make that mistake again?
i'm sorry for cheering you on when you were making out with him. i was just celebrating the fact he was decent looking for once
for once, the $56 i am about to pay for plan b was actually worth the sex.
You drunk dialed me and told me to jump out of my second story window so I could give you head. I almost considered it.
I want to die. Marc and I were making out in the hallway and fell into a fire hose in a glass case. It shattered everywhere. Everyone thought we fell out a window. I think I have glass in my back. Awesome.
My first drink last night was a 2-liter of jameson and coke. So hung over it hurt to put my pants back on
This is my transition from small talk texts to booty call texts. Coming over?
Quite the smooth talker. There in 5.
Seriously, I want to give you a plaque thanking you for your dedicated service to my vagina.
Stop leaving me alone with my ex boyfriends after keg challenges. Woke up in his bed covered in what you think would be cum. No...toothpaste. He left a note. "Be home at four. Don't be here when I get back."
I generally just try to vote by which candidate I think has the bigger dick. Sorry Romney.
Dude, I'm not going to use a butt plug.
HahahahahaHAHAHAHAHAHAHA MY LIFE IS A CAUTIONARY TALE
Can I just keep holy water in the night stand next to the vibrator?
Randomize
