i was watching some porn this morning and i realized i am blessed with a truly beautiful vagina
this weekend will be like the season finale to my life
I may or may not have puked in my RA's suggestion box.
you were smoking 3 cigarettes at once saying 'cancer isn't real! Its all in your head!'
or how I got to mom's but there is vomit on my shoes. I never thought i'd be recapping with her.
Or I could just give you a blow job and make it up to you.
No, that's okay. Don't worry about it.
Going once.....twice.........sold to the girl who didn't really wanna do it anyway.
i may have given a gay guy with a mohawk my number last night that said... "you are straight" omg so glad a whole year til my next birthday... also i hit myself in the face with a car door. nice.
You know you're hung over when the glare from the cream cheese on your bagel is just too bright...
You threw your body across the gross couple hooking up on the couch and demanded they scratch your back. I love you drunk on peach schnapps
Monday funday. I brushed my teeth with antibacterial soap. hangover I did not have.
There is a man in my bed with "new zealand" tattooed on his back. Wtf happened last night?
Beer and Reeses. dinner of champions
just blew him in the library. I am a classy dame
I smell like cotton candy and guilt.
It’s a dick. Seen one, seen em all. Unless it spews a fountain of tequila, I don’t need to see yours.
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