Goal for tonight: Make one last drunken mistake for the semester.
I just had an epiphany. There is NOTHING TO STOP ME from making cake mix and eating it all instead of making a cake. It feels like my entire life has peaked at this moment.
you thought your tounge was "malfunctioning" because every time u spoke it wouldnt sit still.
It's like the Sean Connery of vaginas. You don't mess with it.
Bartending School is so much more enjoyable now that I realized I was in rehab at this time last year.
My mom is helping me re-arrange my room to make New Year's more hook-up friendly
I just test ran being their maid. I'm getting 50 bucks a month and they're buying the costume.
tell her i changed her phone's unlock password to be the length of my fully erect penis in centimeters. I'll be in my room for the next two hours.
Its official, if she bites your dick through your jeans, ya'll go together. A lesson you shouldn't have to learn after the fact.
Are there any rules against fucking the hot TA?
Maybe for her....
Her problem, not mine
Well, while we went through airport security, I found out Mom got her clit pierced, so there's that.
This hangover is too legit right now. I just sneezed and almost puked
I never thought I would encounter a situation that was "Too Gay" for me...and yet there I was.
Vodka for breakfast. With a side of Frankenberries. Don't judge me.
Looking back at our past texts, the minute it turned 2020 you were cleaning your house and I was dying of the cold. We were prophesying the Rona.
Randomize
