His appology was" look at it this way, at least you'll give better head without those teeth.'
when i'm drunk i think im just gonna point at him and yell adultery is a sinnnn. youre going to helllll
we've had sex 4 times and he still refers to me as 'the chick in my chem class'
Fourth time I had to be woken up in the line of Whataburger in two weeks. First time my shirt was free of vomit.
The good news is that I can 100% reassure you that you did not get knocked up by some creepy Italian dude named Sal Manella last night.
The bad news is that you will never know the name of the guy who may have gotten you pregnant last night because he clearly gave you a fake name, sweetie.
He went down on me while I had rollers in my hair. I've never felt more like a lady.
No, she isn't nearly as crazy as the girl who wanted to wear a vial of my semen as a necklace.
I'm trying to figure if this dude sitting in his car with the door open is dead or just sleeping. Someone was probably wondering the same thing bout me 20 minutes ago. Your meeting is taking a ridiculous amount of time.
She stumbled into class and Google image searched nipple piercings for the entire 75 minutes
I just saw a bunch of drunk old guys riding on the side of a modified old fire truck yelling at cars and smoking while they looked for parking...promise we will be just like them when we grow up?
I'm craigslisting fire trucks as we speak
Got a snapchat from Megan last night showing you sobbing about a burrito on the floor with Dan in the background trying not to laugh his ass off
Used my brand new sperrys as a trash can to throw up in and woke up with someone's random key in my hair...new year new me:)
apparently when we were gone the parents play strip connect 4
He told me he sees me like a sister then 10 mins later tried to make out with me.
I JUST SNEEZED WITH A MOUTHFUL OF CHEWED UP CASHEWS AND THEY CAME OUT MY NOSE AND IT HURT AND NOW I HAVE A LITTLE NOSEBLEED
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