i just caught my roommate coming out of the bathroom half naked with a surge protector. he told me he didn't wanna talk about it.
I woke with a ring of glitter around my dick.... I kinda don't want to wash it off
so my car got towed last night. I didnt know it cost 118 dollars to have a college experience
She was crying and singing Taylor Swift on repeat. I'm never drinking with her again.
I mean we havent seen each other since december and then bam its cinco de mayo and were having sex under a life guard tower taking tequila shots between each position. no big deal
They thought I was the paid stripper pretty much, and a lady tried to set me up with her nephew and then wanted to get my number for lesbian daughter... A typical night for me
All of the sudden your world had become nothing but the sum of visible dicks. Welcome to life.
We aren't really supposed to respect our bodies til our mid twenties.
So... crashing at the hot bartender's place is not a solid marital decision.
Balls deep in an Orange is the New Black marathon. Bring food and drugs.
He was stoned laying on my bed singing I'm a little tea cup while I took a pregnancy test. Thank god it was negative.
I couldn't break up with him while I was wearing a Hakuna Matata shirt.
I think I just shit out all my problems.
Few clarical questions about last night: 1. How did we get home? 2. Am I wearing your underwear? 3. Where is Andrea? 4. Guy with nose ring last night hot?
1. You tried hitch hiking "like a pro" and flashed cars while sticking out your thumb until I called Michael. 2. I don't know but probably. 3. Who is Andrea? 4. Hot.
last night you made out with a 19 year old on a bar and i woke up with a swede in my bed. lets just say that never happened.
Randomize
