I have to start avoiding pregnant women. This is getting out of hand.
I woke up and peed for 26 seconds this morning. 26 seconds!
Ok forget what i said about christmas break being awful. Chasing shots with fudge
He booked us a hotel at a resort in cancun for sprng break... I just wanted to get laid this weekend when i was blackout i didnt know it was gonna spiral into a mess of events like a 5 month in advance commitment
Just found a hole in my wall with your left shoe in it.
She counted 5,6,7,8 then intentionally kneed herself in the eye numerous times.
I have cum and leaves all over me. Don't ask questions.
Dude she said she'd let me snort a line off her ass now I just have to wait for them to break up
Haha its fine we ask know it. He's still cool thought
Focus on the keyboard man. Focusssss
Your biggest crisis right now is that you can't decide whether to keep hooking up with AN NFL PLAYER or try to rekindle your relationship with your ex. You are a walking white girl problem.
He offered to let her do a line of coke off his hard-on. She said she'd had that hard-on and it would be a bump, not a line. Everyone laughed. That's why he left.
So that answers the first question but not the second: how the fuck am I getting home?
If the fate of the world hinged on some chubby girl getting laid, the president would dispatch me with a fifth of Jameson immediately and then rest easy.
Yeah, the email that I was sending to get an Escort for the weekend, copied and pasted to my boss, that should be interesting conversation, when I come back from Christmas vacation break.
I think I'm gonna cut my hair just so I stop waking up with semen in it
How many hotdogs are you going to eat today?
THE LIMIT DOES NOT EXIST
Randomize
